I am still awake. I am actually not that tired, but thinking that I should get up in about 3-3 1/2,doesn’t make sleep seem that great. I blame the caffeine. I actually finished all the homework, double and all. I did most of my lab, 3% error doesn’t sound too shabby :) Today was a good day :) I didn’t go to school, for the first time I actually got some rest and that’s what I really needed. Damn doctor was closed though :( my dad took the day off to watch me though, that’s a first too. My mom went to Santa Ana then bought this exercise thing that is suppose to tighten my legs and tummy, let’s see how that goes. My mood has incredibly changed from yesterday until today. Smiling never felt so great. I hate this tv change though, I don’t know my channels by heart yet :( I haven’t even found MTV!</3 I’ve never had this much energy on a school day at this time. My dad says staying up one night is equivalent to two days of rest. I missed two tests today =O oh well that’s what tomorrow is for, making it up! Let’s hope my luck, stays in my favor. Maybe it’s my glasses that are keeping me up? Well I hope I’m back to being optimistic like before. I haven’t even been on tumblr that much! I guess I’ll go watch some tv then get some sleep. Finals are coming soon :( I need to pick it up in PHYSICS, HISTORY, ENGLISH, STATS [academic classes of course] oh I’m going to read The Red and the Black. Maybe NOW I’ll finish it. Okay goodnight to you all!
These days haven’t exactly been the best? It’s been tough with no sign of hope in any corner I turn. I found it easy, in the moment, to keep it all in. Needless to say, it has caught up with me. I didn’t expect anything else of life, there was no more excitement every morning when I had waken up. Everyday was a struggle. Some see it, some don’t. Some people have recently inspired me. Through their wise words, I am better. Not only better in sense of bettering me, but also reminding me, that yes there is always hope. For one thing I just wish that I am able to have half as much hope in myself school wise as the ones who care for me, it’s kind of lacking in the school “mentor” ones. If I can even begin to explain anything of what I go through, there wouldn’t be enough time. Recently I’ve seen how being completely honest is beneficial on my end. I worry too much about what others worry to an extent where I hurt myself. I let everyone push me around and I don’t do anything about it. I am passive, too passive. Do you know how often I cry to sleep at night? That’s the least of my concerns. These days when I write it feels great. I don’t know what my motivation is anymore. It’s hard to say. No matter how hard I try, I feel like someone if not everyone is against me. Along with everything going down the drains, my self-esteem also went along with it. I don’t say any of this for attention as some people would say, I say it because I mean it. I know how it is when I would do seek for attention and I know when to admit it. I am tired of being judged in the wrong way. Sometimes being in my room away from the world is the best thing. I’ll leave it here and maybe speak more later.
The shouting and screaming, the fighting and yelling, I can’t take this anymore, I’m going crazy to the core. You bring this horror, this noise&rattle, my heart is so sore, from this constant battle. It’s been almost two decades, get use to the fact, my family won’t fade, now chock on that. Fuck you again, I keep wasting this time, friend? I would just be lying. You define evil, you ruined it all, you f-off, you are nothing.
Without you life would be great. I didn’t know that any sadness came from you. Tumblr has taught that to me. Leave my family alone. Especially me.